


Golden - A Monologue

by annerwhatever



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, The X Factor Era, a string of allusions in which i reference random romance novels and movies that come to mind, i think, one or two references to louis' sisters, the feeling of anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-19 09:47:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22009015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annerwhatever/pseuds/annerwhatever
Summary: louis and harry are in love. louis' terrified of it.aka the inspiration that came to me after i listened to golden and thought a little too hard over the lines 'i know that you're scared because hearts get broken' and 'i know that you're scared because i'm so open'
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Kudos: 30





	Golden - A Monologue

**Author's Note:**

> little disclaimer i wrote all of this in one sitting and did not edit it before posting, so there are mot likely parts that make zero sense or sound bad. so sorry in advance :)

The first time Harry said ‘I love you’ was simultaneously the worst and best moment of Louis Tomlinson’s life. 

Because, holy shit, that’s it. That’s  _ it _ . 

Don’t misunderstand, Louis definitely felt the same. Christ, he could barely go a day without seeing those bright eyes and those chubby little cheeks, a boy who was not yet a man. 

But,  _ God  _ . Louis was terrified. 

Harry was so young. He depended on Louis, he needed Louis so much, and Louis was terrified of that. 

Oh, love. A word reminiscent of a beautiful crystal dagger. 

You can look, but take care, lest you cut yourself on it. 

Louis’ an older brother of many, he’s used to taking care of others, he’s used to certain things being his duty, and he’s okay with this. But not with Harry. It doesn’t take a genius to realise that Harry is not one of Louis’ younger sisters. 

Harry was so different. In this situation, for the first time in his entire life, Louis had the full power to ruin  _ everything  _ . Louis had the power to shatter Harry into little pieces of what was a beautiful creation.

Out of everyone in the entire world, Louis could think of an infinite amount of people who were more deserving of this angel with the soothing voice and the dimples as deep as Mariana’s Trench and the big green eyes, who instead stood in front of Louis and confessed his love. 

Louis was terrified of being the reason that the boy who wore his heart on his sleeve put it back inside the confines of his chest. 

Harry was so trusting, that’s part of it. He tells Louis everything, paints vivid stories of his worst and lowest moments, as well as his best. ‘What are you doing?! Don’t you understand that I could break you?!’ Louis thinks to himself, angry at this boy for trusting Louis so incredibly blindly. 

Louis did not return the stories. He couldn’t do that to Harry. He couldn’t make Harry think that they had some kind of deep trust when Louis broke his heart. 

Because, well, that was inevitable. Louis tried his best to keep himself guarded, tried talking his heart into staying put instead of chasing Harry, but his heart must not give a damn what Louis thinks, because that’s exactly what it did anyway. 

Harry is so easy to break, too. Louis could do a number of things to stomp on this poor boy’s heart and leave it scarred, and Louis didn’t even know what half of these things were. 

Harry was an enigma. A mixed cup of so many different paints, and Louis could not figure out how to recreate this colour. He didn’t know what paints were in it. 

Harry talks of the future with Louis, blissfully ignorant to the fact that Louis could mess it all up with ease, with a flick of his wrist. 

He wants to move in with Louis. And, God, Louis wants that so bad. 

He wants to wake up every morning and be met with this impossibly amazing creature, he wants to slow dance in the living room on their anniversaries, he wants to try to bake him a cake on his birthday and fail, but it doesn’t matter because Harry doesn’t care, and they just laugh and they kiss and they cry. 

Fear of the unknown. Louis doesn’t know what the future holds, but he really, really wished that he did. 

Harry snores next to him, something that would previously annoy Louis to no end, an event which previously Louis would have shaken the snorer awake and told them to quiet down. Not Harry, though. Never Harry. 

Harry snuffles, his nose scrunching up in discomfort. Louis watches him closely as he lets out a little whine, and throws an arm over Louis’ chest, cuddling his older boyfriend closer. 

Harry opens his eyes, and he smiles. Smiles like Louis is the best thing he’s ever seen. Smiles like it’s Christmas Day and Louis just bought him that shirt he’s been eyeing for the past couple months. Two dimples carve into his cheeks. 

Louis’ heartbeat picks up, and he’s overwhelmed with such an intense emotion, one that ruined the marriage of one Anna Karenina, one that led two star-crossed lovers to their demise, one that caused Marius to join the revolution, one that caused Robbie to get on a plane to Las Vegas without the slightest idea of what he was doing, one that made Rose abandon everything she ever knew, one that made Wesley turn to piracy, one that caused Orpheus to turn around. It was old as the sun and stars themselves, and it was only for the lucky. It was for Louis and Harry right now. 

With damp eyes and a racing heart, Louis placed a feathery soft kiss upon Harry’s forehead, because he’s filled notebooks and journals with nothing but songs and poems, but he can’t find a single word to tell Harry in this moment. 

Harry snuggled impossibly tighter, his chin lodged in the crook of Louis’ neck and their legs tangled together. 

Louis smiles, his head falling back onto his pillow, and he sighs. 

‘Yeah,’ he thinks. ‘We’ll be alright.’

**Author's Note:**

> i'm very aware that this is technically not a monologue but i wanted to call it one so
> 
> come talk to me on tumblr @annerwhatever


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